Hi my dear friends,
In this moment, as I write this, I’m vividly remembering so many times in my life where I was fraught was indecisiveness. It’s actually painful to relive it all. For so much of my life, decision making felt extremely challenging, if not impossible. So much so, certain friends would joke with me that we could never make plans because we would never make decisions.
I used to think this was cute and kind of funny, until it became incredibly frustrating and often times confusing. The more I labeled myself as the go-with-the-flow, no preferences ever, indecisive person, the more I actually became it. And as much as I thought this made people around me like me more, it didn’t. Because as I learned over time, people gravitate towards people who are grounded, convicted, and sure of themselves.
For the past few years I’ve set an intention to really release my indecisive label, and begin to cultivate the awareness of what I actually do want, and how to communicate it with other people. Though it’s not always easy, and I often catch my self falling into the, “I don’t care, you decide” trap, my relationships are better, my confidence in myself feels more aligned, and I’m certainly more clear on what I want.
I think so many of us get trapped with indecision for three reasons, we want to be people pleasers, we think that other people have better insights, and we aren’t actually tuned in to our own, aligned desires.
The good news is that starting to honor yourself, who you are, and what you actually want, isn’t too far out of reach. You can start now, because in every moment of our lives, whether we are conscious of it or not, we are making decisions. And, like with everything else, this is a practice. One where the more you work it, the more it becomes second-nature. And I promise you, the more you start to make decisions, for yourself, and not based on external opinions or influences, you’ll start to feel so much more connected to yourself, confident in yourself, and assured of yourself.
I know it’s not always easy to change pattered behaviors, so here are three simple reminders in overcoming indecisiveness:
Remember that whenever you think you don’t know what you want or what to do, you actually do. In the past, when I would respond to a question with, “I don’t know”, my mom would always retort, “Well, what would the answer be if you did actually know?” Her asking me this always annoyed me because it forced me not to bypass my feelings and desires, and actually tap in. And every single time, I did actually know, and it’s because I gave myself the space and permission to unearth it. Oftentimes, you do know the answers, you just have you allow it, and accept it.
Remember that asking for other people’s opinions all the time will only continue to cloud your own clarity. For so long I was someone who would race to friends and family for advice and opinions in my life. As much as I value the insights of my loved ones, they are not the ones actually living my one, unique life. I am. So as much as they can try to give me advice, ultimately, they cannot know what’s exactly best for me because they haven’t lived my own experience. Remember, you are the only one who knows what’s truly right for you. Other people’s opinions have other people’s energies. Stay in alignment with your own truth.
Remember and trust that whatever choice you make will serve you, either with blessings or lessons. Both are valid and have meaning in life. We tend to push away big decisions for fear of making a mistake or choosing the wrong thing. It’s important to know that there is no perfect way to move through life, and the choices that you make will serve you and guide you, in one way or another. Don’t allow the fear of a choice, keep you from moving forward.