Hi my friends,
Sending you all so much love on the start of a new week.
Over the past year, I’ve reflected a lot on relationships, in concept and in reality. I’ve often struggled with feeling settled and secure in my relationships, feeling like I can’t trust the people around me, and even trust myself around them, and of course, feeling afraid that I’ll be left behind by those I love.
I say all of this to highlight that there are so many feelings, insecurities, and emotions that arise from our relationships, and for one, I want you all to know that this is normal. It’s my belief that understanding relationships is a lifelong practice, and cultivating how we show up in relationships is deeply important.
For the longest time I thought that there was something wrong with me because my relationships didn’t last, or that I didn’t feel fully like myself in the ones that did, and what I know to be true is that relationships aren’t brought to us to make us feel worse, they are in our lives as opportunities to grow, learn, heal, and love.
I want to share this week some hard truths that I’ve realized in relationships, because in this awareness, I’ve found a new layer of peace and understanding in my relationships that has benefited me greatly.
- It’s okay for relationships to end (even the good ones). I whole-heartedly believe that not all relationships are meant to last forever. When you can understand that human beings are constantly evolving and changing, it feels quite natural for relationships to do the same. Rather than making yourself bad or wrong because a relationship evolved into a new form, honor what was good and the love that was shared and recognize that this new space means new opportunity.
- You can be loved and misunderstood at the same time. Understanding this shifted everything for me. So often I felt confused by relationships where I was told that I was loved and I knew that to be true, but simultaneously I felt unseen and unheard. In this instance, I find it best to establish boundaries with this type of relationship (usually with family members), because ultimately it’s not your responsibility to force someone to see you differently and understand you in a way that is aligned for you. Know that when you show up as your authentic self, you will start to attract people who see the real you, and honor you fully for who you are.
- You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change themselves. When I look back on relationships in my life, I can see the pattern of often cultivating relationships with people who I think I can “help”. Frankly, this is a toxic pattern, because none of these people asked for my help. Resentment brews from this kind of dynamic, and ultimately, we are all unique people with extremely unique circumstances, allow the people in your life to heal and grow in an aligned way, and rather than spending so much time trying to fix someone else, focus on the ways you can grow yourself.
- You simply have to communicate your truth and your needs, even when it’s hard and uncomfortable. I’ve found that a relationship that stumbles in communication will not last and will not feel stable. As someone who falls into people pleasing tendencies, I tend to bury my needs and my discomforts for the sake of other people’s happiness. People can feel when you are holding back, and as human beings, we often write stories in our minds when we feel like we aren’t getting the whole truth. Do yourself and the people in your life a favor, save everyone’s time, and cultivate thoughtful, honest, and open communication.
I hope this is helpful for you in your relationships, you deserve to feel loved, supported, heard, and seen, always.