Hi dear friends,
I want to talk today about some thoughts I have about the ending of friendships. I’ve always felt so conflicted about this topic, because somehow, somewhere, it was instilled in me early on that friendships that end signals some sort of moral or personal failure.
I think for a long time I lived under these rules and guidelines (unclear where they stem from) that it’s okay for romantic relationships to end, but it’s not okay for friendships to fall away.
In full transparency, I’ve had many dear friendships end, and what I know now to be true is that this is okay, and it is normal.
I think many of us hold an enormous amount of shame, guilt, and judgment over seemingly “failed” friendships, when in reality sometimes these relationships truly “ran the course.”
A friendship, or any relationship, coming to a close does not signify your worthiness or capability of love, honor, and acceptance.
In the last few years I’ve worked really hard to reframe and restructure what relationships mean to me, in my own life. It’s been freeing and enlightening to release myself from the preconceived notions and rules that I had formally held when it comes to the people and dynamics in my life.
I hope that in this blog this week, you can start to find a sense of freedom, understanding, and acceptance that comes from the rise and fall of a relationship.
Below are five of the most meaningful lessons I’ve learned to date on the topic:
- Friendships don’t need to last “forever” in order to be meaningful, impactful, or loving. I whole-heartedly believe that some relationships are for a reason and a season.
- Human beings are never stagnant, so it’s futile to assume relationships would or could ever be. We are always growing, evolving, and changing, and thus, so are our relationships.
- Sometimes the most loving act you can do for someone is to give space and grace.
- We never really know what other people’s life experiences are like, which means that we can never fully understand why some people act the way that they do. Don’t waste your time trying to find the reasons of people’s behaviors, but rather cultivate awareness and acceptance, and a clear sense of what you will and will not tolerate.
- It is okay to set boundaries with people you love. A boundary is not a signal of something wrong, but rather an act of care. The red flag rises when the people in your life cannot or will not respect the boundary. Remember a boundary is not a punishment, but a chance to preserve the relationship.