Hi my friends,
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about life, and just how little we can truly predict and control. Each new day is a gift and a blessing, and simultaneously so uncertain.
The beauty of life is that no feeling is final, no situation lasts forever, and the energy of life is constantly shifting.
Even though we can know this all to be true, sometimes, life can feel so heavy, especially when presented with deeply difficult moments.
I know that the moments at this time in life have been really hard, there’s been so much asked of us, and it can feel like there will never be another upswing. But I promise, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Remember Newton’s Third Law of Motion, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”
Sometimes, what we need is someone to remind us of this, so I felt this week would be a good time to offer you some simple things to remember when going through difficulty. I hope they are helpful for you when you’re in a time of need.
1. Remember, this, too, shall pass. Years ago, when I was going through a nasty breakup, my mom gave me a bracelet with these words inscribed on it. I wore it every day as a reminder to keep going. I share this as a reminder not for you to bypass whatever it is you are feeling right now in this moment, but to remember that no feeling is ever permanent or final. Life is fluid, ever changing, and our happy and light feelings are as fleeting as the dark ones. Difficult moments do not define you, so if you’re stuck in a particularly dense fog of difficult emotion, hold tightly to the notion that it will pass.
2. Life is not meant to be lived perfectly. I was really hung up on the fact that I had made a big mistake, and that some how this made me bad and wrong. It was my inner perfectionist coming out. Some of us hold the notion that we should always know better than to make errors. I’m that way, for sure. But it’s this kind of thinking that will throw us off kilter, every single time we go astray. As human beings, we will be wrong and we will mess up. It’s useless to beat ourselves up for the mistakes we make. Learn from your wrongdoings, alter your actions, see where you can do better, and if appropriate make amends. This is what trials are meant to do for us, show us how we can be better, not perfect.
3. Sometimes difficulty comes when we are living out of alignment. In my case, I was making choices that weren’t aligned with my values and with my intuition. I received so many gut hits to do differently, and I ignored them. Sometimes we have to have the big lessons shoved right in our faces to see that we’ve been acting out of alignment and out of character. It’s painful, but it sure is effective. Start to notice if the trouble you’re experiencing is due to being misaligned. You know your values and where your heart lies, pivot back to actions that feel right in your soul.
4. Forgiveness is incomplete if it does not include yourself. We all know that forgiveness sets us free, releases us from the binds of old hurts, and allows us to move forward in life. It’s often easier for us to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves, for whatever reason. If you are constantly beating yourself up for mistakes or errors in judgment, this won’t erase what happened, it will just make you feel worse in the present moment. Clear your conscience of guilt and remorse, and replace it with resolve and commitment to being better. I promise you’ll feel better, stronger, and more empowered for it.
5. Asking for support is not a sign of weakness. I tend to be a pretty reserved person about my own hardship, I guess that’s the Scorpio in me. My default is to try to figure everything out in my own mind, in my own time, and not bother others with my problems. Sometimes, that works. But know that in these difficult and unprecedented times, we must lean on each other, and feel comfortable reaching out and asking for support. Feeling held by my loved ones was no doubt, the biggest silver lining of my own tough time. If you don’t feel like you have safe spaces, please reach out here and know that we are here for you.