A few years ago, I had a falling out with a very good friend of mine. There was an unfortunate incident, we both said things we didn’t mean, we both acted out of integrity, and we both were very stubborn in the matter, and sadly let it go unresolved. We let our own hurt feelings, emotions, and egos keep us from reconciliation.
A lot of time passed, and the relationship seemingly became fractured beyond repair. Deep down I felt hurt and saddened to lose someone who I had valued in my life, and I knew my friend felt the same, but somehow we couldn’t get past the very intense feelings of anger and separation.
The situation felt too large to be fixed, and neither of us were willing to budge on our stances. So, time went on, and we went our separate ways. Even though at the time I would have told you that the situation didn’t bother me, in truth, it really did. I would often convince myself that I was better off without this person in my life, most likely to ease by wounded ego. I don’t like having unresolved conflicts, especially with loved ones. I especially don’t like feeling like I’ve wronged someone, and of course, I don’t like being on the end of someone else’s wrong doing.
Can any of you relate?
It can feel so frustrating to dislike a situation so much, but be completely unsure of how to solve it. But I’ve often found that when we surrender the “hows” and just focus on being open to creative possibilities, solutions come to us. And that’s what happened to me in this situation.
Over time, I noticed that I really disliked carrying around this anger and resentment towards this person who I once cherished. Deep down, I also knew that it wasn’t healthy for my mind, body and spirit to hold on to so much negativity. Not too much later, a friend of a friend mentioned to me a practice she had been incorporating to help her to forgive a very challenging situation she was facing in her life.
In listening to her my interest was peaked, perhaps this was something I, too, could do to mend my own problems. Within that same time frame, a handful of other people in my life also mentioned this powerful practice to me, and so, taking the hint, I became open to trying it.
The practice is Ho’oponopono. An ancient Hawaiian prayer that aides in forgiveness and healing. It’s known to correct wrongs, restore what has been broken, and bring back a sense of peace. The practice is simple, meaningful, and incredibly powerful.
To practice Ho’oponopono, you simply recite four sentences, either aloud or in writing.
Please forgive me.
I love you
I immediately felt a sense of relief upon reciting the lines of the prayer. I felt empowered. I felt like I was righting a wrong. Over time, the sting of anger began to subside. My guilt for my own misdoings faded. A situation presented itself where I felt compelled to reach out to this old friend. We slowly began to pick up communitcations, and ultimately had that conversation to resolve what happened, we each owned where we went wrong, and returned to a place of peace within us both and within the relationship.
The moral of this story here is peace is possible. With openness, vulnerability, compassion, and patience, I believe we can overcome the separation that we see so often in our lives. Truthfully, in those moments of the past, my mind couldn’t imagine a situation where I could find resolve, but when presented to me, my openness to the possibility of forgiveness, changed everything. I was open to forgiving myself, I was willing to do the internal work to make amends, and energetically extended that olive branch to find peace.
The work of bridging divide doesn’t have to be so complicated, in fact it can be so simple; if we are open to taking on our own responsibility, and doing the work on our own side. If you are experiencing some difficulty in your life, I offer to you the powerful Ho’oponopono practice. Try it out and see what shifts come forth in your life.
Have you used Ho’oponopono in your life? Would love to hear your experiences! Let me know in the comments below!